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Better Parents, Better Spouses, Better People by Daniel J. Siegel, Daniel Goleman

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The Importance of a Secure Base

 

Siegel: You know, as children, we do the best we can and our brains are shaped along lines that allow us to adapt and survive with as positive an experience as we can. One of the things that kids do is to preserve a sense of safety. They consider parents as good and mold themselves to whatever the parents are dishing out. In this case it was kind of emotional blindness, in other cases it can even be abuse, sometimes intrusiveness. There’s lots of things we have to deal with in childhood and it is an automatic self-prescription like you’re describing that gets ingrained in patterns in the brain.

Goleman: And you’re saying it’s because a child needs a secure base no matter how dicey that base may be. It’s all they’ve ...

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