4 Solution 3: Listen Louder
Much of the recent discussion about how to solve gender inequalities focuses on how to change women to sound more like men: to be more assertive, to pitch ideas with more of a “shoot for the stars” flair. I think that's backward. The long‐term sustainable solution is not insisting that women change the way they speak, but that men must learn to listen differently.
Dragon Slayers and Deliberators
In 1982, Harvard psychologist Carol Gilligan published a landmark work on gender differences, In a Different Voice.1 In this seminal work on the contrasting ways that men and women communicate, Gilligan discusses how the two sexes start to bifurcate at young ages in how they self‐define, which in turn affects their communication style in adulthood. Boys begin defining themselves as “action men,” slayers of dragons who pursue problems with aggression and conviction, often alone and using “I” words. Girls, in contrast, define themselves in terms of relationships with others and their constant linkage to those around them. Language used by women frequently uses inclusive pronouns such as “we” and “us.” Men look at problems as math puzzles to be solved, while women work to ensure that lateral relationships remain strong and are not damaged.
Similarly, Tara Mohr, founder of the Playing Big leadership program for women, wrote:
Listen with fresh ears ...