Coach Yourself!

9COIN Framework: How to Have a Critical Conversation

I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers that can't be questioned.

—Richard Feynman

COIN (Common Purpose, Observations, Inquiry, Next Steps) is the most versatile communication framework I know.¹ I introduce it to all my clients because every one of them has critical conversations during the timeframe that we work together and long afterward. This chapter builds on the evergreen work done by several authors who wrote the bestseller Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High. It's on its third edition, which gives you an idea of how timeless and relevant this framework is.

What COIN Is and When to Use It

The COIN framework gives you the tools to frame and structure a critical conversation—crucial when stakes are high, emotions run strong, and opinions differ. COIN has two phases: preparation and activation, and I delve into each of these phases in detail in the following pages. COIN lightens the cognitive load of conversations that you know will be emotionally demanding and require a lot of active listening. I like to think about COIN the same way you might use a recipe. COIN gives you the structure and confidence, so you can create the magic by adding your own creative touches. As you learn COIN, I invite you to think about everything you bring to the conversation as ingredients. COIN is your basic recipe to adapt and vary as you get more experienced with the techniques and ...