Creating Mindful Leaders

Chapter 15Improving Self‐Regulation

Lord, please give me patience. If you give me strength, I may need bail money.

—My sister Sherry

Have you ever gotten so mad that you just blew up? You didn't even think about it. It just came out. Ever eaten something when you weren't hungry? Even though you knew it was bad for you? Have you ever checked Facebook or Twitter 50 times a day? These actions are called compulsions. We get stuck in routines where we're compelled to act without really thinking.

The same thing happens when we get triggered. We can be compelled to act or make decisions without really thinking. When emotions are high, things can get ugly.

Self‐regulation is the process of managing your internal states to perform optimally. This includes your impulses, resources, and especially your triggers. Self‐regulation builds upon self‐awareness skills. Once you're more aware of the quality and intensity of emotions as they occur, you can begin to identify, recognize, and work with your emotional “triggers” and the circumstances that cause them to arise.

Self‐regulation isn't just stopping yourself from getting angry or yelling. It includes other important leadership qualities like being flexible, adaptable, resilient, and optimistic.

Most importantly, the practice of self‐regulation helps take us out of automaton mode where it's easy to be driven by our emotions. We get better ...