book

Dealing with the Tough Stuff: How to Achieve Results from Crucial Conversations

by Darren Hill, Sean Richardson, Alison Hill

July 2012

Intermediate to advanced

216 pages

4h 30m

English

Wiley

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Making a differenceThe foundation for successDifficult situations, not difficult peopleManipulating for goodUpgrade your expectationsHow to use this bookStepping up to the challenge
Finding out your tough stuffVulnerability is the pathway to growthConclusionDarren's insightsAlison's insightsSean's insightsChapter summary
Why do we do what we do?Behaviour modificationGetting clearEnsure maximum effectivenessCompeting behavioursMeaningful workConclusionDarren's insightsAlison's insightsSean's insightsChapter summary

Get rid of the fluffTraits versus behavioursGiven the opportunity, most people do the right thingStepping into behaviour-based languageCommunication mediaThe power of wordsStrip back your messageConclusionDarren's insightsAlison's insightsSean's insightsChapter summary
Non-verbal communicationApproachable versus credibleMaking your pointThe game-changerGrounded in scienceConclusionDarren's insightsAlison's insightsSean's insightsChapter summary
Emotions: ignore them at your perilAllow others to own their own emotionsAnger and actions are two separate thingsTour of the emotional brainEmotions at work: addressing anger and sadnessConclusionDarren's insightsAlison's insightsSean's insightsChapter summary
Resistant behaviourDefensive behaviourTurn fear into confidenceStubborn behaviourAssertiveness and empathyThe other half of the assertiveness equationSolving the assertiveness puzzleConclusionDarren's insightsAlison's insightsSean's insightsChapter summary
Two kinds of bluffersTwo-way streetAvoid the popularity stakesUnderstanding intimidation and shamingDealing with passive-aggressive behavioursStrategies for dealing with the bluff stuffConclusionDarren's thoughtsAlison's thoughtsSean's thoughtsChapter summary
Mapping the journeyMindset makes a differenceMoments of truth: having the termination conversationTrue transparency: give them 100 per centStepping through grief and lossDisruption creates innovationConclusionDarren's thoughtsAlison's thoughtsSean's thoughtsChapter summary
How you turn up to a crisisHow you deal with the aftermathHow you prepare for future crisis eventsConclusionDarren's insightsAlison's insightsSean's insightsChapter summary
The mind is not always stronger than the bodyHow much stress is enough stress?Ramp up and bounce backCelebrate your progressYou are the company you keepDevelop the skill of courageDo the stuff you are great at and outsource the restCreate great habitsConclusionDarren's insightsAlison's insightsSean's insightsChapter summary
Mum was right … againWhat sort of boss or colleague are you?Practise what you preachThe confidence economyDealing with the chuff stuff

Content preview from Dealing with the Tough Stuff: How to Achieve Results from Crucial Conversations

Chapter 1 What's your tough stuff? Getting clear on what's tough for you

The question is not, ‘Will you participate in something that involves others?’

The question is ‘Will your involvement with others be successful?’

John Maxwell, best-selling author and leadership expert

Leadership can be a lonely place at times. Sure, there are few experiences more enjoyable than leading people towards great outcomes for both themselves and your organisation, but then there's the other side of leadership. There are the times when you won't see eye to eye with others. Conflict is inevitable. That's when the loneliness of leadership truly presents itself. It certainly is a tough gig being responsible for dealing with the tough stuff.

It is worth taking the time to be clear on what the tough stuff is for you—those crucial conversations that you have to have at work that you would like to do better: what are they for you?

Each of us has a unique set of skills, abilities and experiences that we bring to any tough conversation. What is tough for one person may not be tough for another. Having the personal insight into what situations are particularly tough for you will guide you where you make relevant changes in your behaviour. One thing is certain: we can't change what we don't acknowledge.

Finding out your tough stuff

To be able to prioritise what requires greatest attention in improving results in your crucial conversations, rate yourself on the following questions and their corresponding continuums. ...