Flawless Consulting, 4th Edition

CHAPTER 11Dealing with Resistance

PEOPLE USE THE PHRASE “overcoming resistance” as though resistance or defensiveness were an adversary to be wrestled to the ground and subdued. “Overcoming resistance” would have you get clever and logical to win the point and convince the client. But there is no way you can talk clients out of their resistance because resistance is an emotional process. It is essential to learning. It is the early stage of surprise. Behind the resistance are certain feelings, underlying concerns. You cannot talk people out of how they are feeling.

There are specific steps you can take to help a client get through the resistance and get on with solving the problem. The basic strategy is to help the resistance blow itself out, like a storm, and not to fight it head‐on. Feelings pass and change when they are expressed directly. The skill is to ask clients to put directly into words what they are experiencing—to ask the client to be authentic. The most effective way to encourage the client to be authentic is for you to also behave authentically. Being authentic in this context is to put into words what you see happening. Without judgment. That's all there is to it.

This way of dealing with resistance—by not fighting it head‐on—has a Zen quality to it. If you fight the resistance and feel you have to conquer it, all you will do is intensify the resistance. If a client is objecting to your methodology (and has been doing it for more than 10 minutes) and you keep ...