Hopping over the Rabbit Hole

Chapter 4 Snap Out of It! Looking Back to Move Forward

“For all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest of these: It might have been!”

—John Greenleaf Whittier

If anyone tells you they have no regrets, look them in the eye, thank them for their time, and walk away. Why the complete disregard? Because they’re lying. It’s a simple fact of life: we all have regrets. If people are being truly honest with themselves, they will admit to having them. Some are mundane and insignificant, like “I should have worn those other shoes” or “I wish I’d ordered the filet instead of the veal.” Some are more profound, like “I should have worked at a different company” or “I didn’t go to the right school.”

What regrets really speak to is a measure of self-awareness. The trick is how we choose to deal with them. Successful people have the ability to accept the past, embrace it, learn from it, and ultimately move forward. Less successful individuals tend to wallow in regrets, constantly reliving a series of events and asking themselves over and over what could have been, what should have been, and ultimately, what ought to have been. To me, there is no more dangerous word than ought. If you want to be happy and successful, remove it from your vocabulary. Ought conveys a sense of entitlement and prevents you from focusing on your future.

Things ought to be different.

I ought to have been made partner.

I ought to have been given a bigger bonus.

No, you shouldn’t have. Whatever series of events conspired ...