How to be a Complete and Utter F**k Up, 3rd Edition

Step

45

Don’t believe you can be a fun-loving non-drinker

Quote to avoid

“His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night. During the night, too, he’d somehow been on a cross-country run and then been expertly beaten up by secret police. He felt bad.”

Kingsley Amis, Lucky Jim

Let’s look at a small sample of the typical jokes in greeting cards you can buy for a woman on just one well-known website:

• •“Now she had reached 50 and recalling her doctor’s advice to eat more fruit, Jennie popped some cherries in her gin.”
• •“Angela only had one glass of Prosecco for health benefits (the rest are for witty remarks and amazing dance moves).”
• •“Life is always fun when Sue and Carol are off their tits.”
• •“Because no good birthday ...