I Hear You

Conclusion

I was coaching a woman named Kara who was struggling with a particularly difficult stuck situation. She needed to give negative feedback to Marty, one of her direct reports, but could not figure out how to do it in a way that was both honest and constructive. Every time she practiced, she either came off as too harsh and negative or too timid.

I invited Kara to do a role reversal, where I would play her and she would play Marty. In the role play, I applied many of the techniques from this book, including telling Marty's story, looking at myself (as Kara) from the outside in, and recognizing the systemic conflict inherent in the power imbalance in this conversation. I toggled between perspectives and acknowledged Marty's perspective ...