In Your Power

CHAPTER 10Partnership: From My Problem to Our Solution

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

—African Proverb

Keisha is a finance leader at the end of her rope because her manager would regularly call her in a crisis, at any time  of day from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m. He'd plead with her that she was the only one who could fix the problem, kissing her ass so she'd once again save his. When I asked her, “Whose problem is it that he's coming to you with these last‐minute emergencies?” she responded, “It's his.” I asked her to think about the question again, and she paused and then had an aha moment: “It's my problem!”

She is the one who is experiencing the frustrating effect of his behavior, not him. How much incentive does someone have to fix a problem that they are not experiencing?

Because we are so intent on solving the problem, we have inadvertently taken possession of it. We're still taking behavior that's going on in the other person's 50% and trying to control it in ours. This is why we spend so much energy ruminating without reaching resolution. Let's get off this stairway to nowhere!

What is your problem is that you are conceptualizing the problem as “They are wrong; they should change their behavior.” This approach gives them all the power to make it better and keeps you small. Time to take it back. See yourself as the steward who brings everyone along in a solution in which everyone is in their power.

In the portal of Partnership you will ...