Lead Like You

CHAPTER 2Learning to get our needs met

In my personal experience, and from working with many hundreds of executive women and men, overwork often comes from a place of unworthiness, of needing to constantly be liked, striving to prove ourselves, or needing to be seen as the expert. It comes from trying to get our core needs met from the outside in, from our work. As this chapter unfolds, we will peel back the many layers, masks and beliefs that drive our limiting reactive behaviours in a desire to feel loved, accepted, wanted and important. We will reflect on why we may work so hard and what needs we are trying to meet.

It is so easy to get stuck in old ways and old beliefs, including how each gender should behave. It is also easy to get stuck in old identities, often unconscious of our own biases, against women, against men, against ourselves. Letting go of old behaviours and negative thoughts by becoming aware of who we are at the core is a slow process. It is key to finding a new relationship with ourselves and the world.

As we peel back these layers and are confronted with the truth about ourselves, we begin to understand that we were simply trying to get some very human needs met. As we apply great compassion to ourselves we see we wanted to feel safe, valued, worthy and loved. And we can feel relief knowing we are not alone in any of these needs, or in the misguided ways we go about trying to get those needs met.

Why are we working so hard?

There are some obvious and ...