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19Endless Daylight in Helsinki

A bomb that cannot be used should not be made.—MUBASHIR HASAN

THE PERIOD BEFORE the fourth congress in Helsinki was a low point in my life. It was not only that I had had an abrupt confrontation with near mortality; I was feeling the psychological toll of pursuing several highly demanding careers in parallel. The consequence was depression—a loss of pleasure in the pleasurable, irritability without provocation, an avoidance of socializing. Formerly simple tasks now seemed burdensome, and sleep disruption fed a cycle of despair. Being on a fast-running treadmill left me no time to reflect, take stock, or converse with Louise and friends.

I could see my hard-won career in medicine being sidelined. In the 1970s ...

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