Quantum Negotiation

Introduction: What Comes to Mind When You Think of Negotiation?

We tend to get two distinct reactions to this question.

Some people pride themselves as being savvy dealmakers, and are excited by the idea of negotiation. They love to tell us about their most memorable negotiation, reporting with pride how they achieved a particularly desirable outcome through some savvy maneuver.

For others, the mere topic triggers doubt about their own abilities and sense of self, eroding confidence in otherwise very confident people. They confess that they dread negotiations and easily feel taken advantage of. They do not see themselves as shrewd enough or assertive enough, and so they prefer to avoid negotiation wherever possible.

Both of these reactions stem from a conventional view of negotiation as a battlefield, in which the negotiator with superior strategy and tactics will prevail. If you don't know the tactics and countertactics, or if you're not willing to play the game, you don't stand a chance against your opponent. The outcome of such negotiations is deeply tied into our sense of self—after it is over, you are either the heroic winner or the weakling who got taken advantage of.

Although the idea of “win‐win” may be regarded as the common aspiration, it is not how most people experience negotiations or choose to behave when negotiating. In reality, negotiation behaviors follow an “I win more, you win less” approach, matched by high levels of distrust and a struggle over power and ...