Quick Confidence

2Create Belonging Wherever You Go

Have you ever craved to fit in—even ached for it?

For as long as I can remember, I've been on a search for a sense of belonging—of fitting in. I'm half Pakistani on my dad's side. My mom is Caucasian and Ukrainian American. Put that all together with a sprinkle of Philadelphia thrown in, and you have me. (Don't worry, I have a healthy and equal respect for samosas, pierogies, and cheesesteaks.)

While there are plenty of cool things about growing up in a culturally blended home, one reality is that I never felt like a full, card-carrying member of either of my parent's communities. I wanted to belong in each one, but I just wasn't like the others.

Not just that, but growing up in a largely white community and school, I was hyper aware of the ways my household was different: our varied skin colors, the languages spoken at home, the smells of our food, and the lingering glances people gave my opposite-complected parents. Just like many kids from multiracial homes will tell you: it's easy to feel like you don't fit in anywhere.

As a preteen, I can remember checking off the race/ethnicity section on state testing forms. None of the choices fit my “half and half” status, so I picked OTHER. I've done that many times since—and it always makes me feel like a Martian.

Another time, after arriving at college, I remember asking myself, “Should I join the South Asian student group?” only to find myself retorting, “Don't be ridiculous, you're only half.” ...