Reboot

Chapter 14Working with your ex

By now Shoes of Prey had its first round of funding, around 20 people in our Sydney headquarters and three years of trade under its belt. I was fully focused on our product aesthetic, brand and public relations. Michael was still far more operationally oriented and considering drumming up interest for a new round of funding.

Michael and I always thought we kept our working relationship separate from our personal relationship. What we didn't appreciate was that our personal relationship dynamic was to carry on until the end of our time working together. The dynamic between us was not malicious or intentional on either of our parts. I by nature was a pleaser, and Michael by nature was a manager. He delegated well and I, as a pleaser, wanted to take on everything he delegated. When I look back at myself, I can see it's connected to my lack of confidence (and my arch nemesis, imposter syndrome, which used busyness as a measure of personal worth) and my desire to be liked. I would inevitably take on too much, feel overwhelmed and not deliver on the insane amount I'd committed to. Michael would rightly be frustrated. And so it would go: we would repeat the cycle with him trying to manage me and me trying to over-please. A recipe for disaster.

This need to please and lack of confidence would manifest in me hitting a type of paralysis, avoiding emails and discussions that felt out of my depth, when really I needed to jump in, have a go and learn along ...