MYTH 12We Aren't Apologizing. People Need to Stop Being So Sensitive.
“So I said him, instead of her. Got it,” a leader snapped back. “It's not a big deal.”
This was the response I received from this leader after I approached about something a colleague shared with me regarding a meeting that took place earlier in the week. This leader and another colleague repeatedly misgendered another person in the meeting even though others tried to correct them in the moment. Apparently this was not the first time this occurred.
“Well, both of you in the meeting used the wrong pronouns repeatedly, and this isn't the first time,” I countered, wanting him to understand the harm they had caused. “It was you and …”
“Ok, ok, so maybe we both did. I mean ok, so he's now a she? It's none of my business,” he shrugged his shoulders. “We need to focus on a strong close to the year.”
“I know an apology would mean a lot to her. You can …”
“We aren't apologizing,” he exclaimed, a bit flustered and taken aback by my recommendation. “People need to stop being so sensitive.”
We sat in silence for a few moments. I started to get up and leave the conference room.
“Wait,” he said. I stopped. I thought maybe he had a change of heart.
“How about you just apologize for us?”
In my work with leaders and companies, coaching someone to apologize can be an extraordinarily difficult task. Why is it so difficult to apologize? What holds us back? Why can't we just apologize and move forward?
As we discussed earlier ...
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