Say More About That

9Why Is Pushing Back So Hard?

Pushing back and speaking up for ourselves and others can feel hard, there is no denying that. I can't speak from a global perspective on the cultural nuances that make it hard, but I can certainly give a bit of insight into American culture and some of the stereotypes that arise out of it that go a long way toward making folks hold their tongues. I also chatted with a behavioral health psychologist to get some insight into some of the ways that trauma might affect our speaking up and what we can do about managing it. I also chatted with the psychologist about the role power dynamics can play in keeping us quiet as well. Beyond the obstacles that I covered in Chapter 8, which are largely within our control, I didn't want to ignore that sometimes what keeps us quiet is cultural or environmental and we may need some support beyond tactics, which is primarily the focus of this book, to overcome those challenges.

American Culture and Trauma

American culture really prioritizes being nice and getting along with folks. From childhood to adulthood, “being nice,” “going along to get along,” and “culture fit” are drummed into us. Being well‐behaved and compliant leads to being well‐liked. Merely speaking up can be seen as being aggressive in American culture, especially if you are not White. Plus, if you are a person of a certain gender, with a certain cultural background, or with a certain sexual identity (and possibly some combination of all three), ...