Selling the Price Increase

16Set the Stage

My wife is a person who does not like sudden change. This doesn't mean that she won't change – she just needs time and space to accept it. Without that room, she rebels, clings to the status quo, and becomes intractable.

We met way back in high school and it's been this way our whole lives. Her reluctance to change, try something new, or be spontaneous used to drive me crazy. I'd find something fun to do, excitedly approach her with it, and instantly be shut down.

I would do my best to sell it – pushing and cajoling – but it didn't work. She'd dig her heels in and reject the idea. I'd get my feelings hurt and become angry.

Below the surface this conflict stoked deep resentment that hurt our marriage. As you learned earlier, resentment and contempt are intensely negative emotions that are very difficult to resolve. Unchecked, these emotions can destroy relationships. Fortunately for our marriage, I learned a better way.

I love to travel and I really love to travel with my wife. Except that travel takes her out of her status quo comfort zone. If I spring a trip on her, “Why don't we go visit some wineries this weekend?” she'll say no.

Therefore, when I want to go on a trip, in order to help her accept it, I set the stage. I begin priming her for the trip as far ahead as possible. This technique has forced me to become much more disciplined with my messaging and planning. When I use this technique though, it makes it much easier for her to accept change and I almost ...