Stop Listening to the Customer

preface getting from awkward to awesome

My parents sent me to a prestigious private school in Perth called Scotch College, which is the type of school attended by today's leaders of tomorrow and where boys become men. I never saw myself as one of tomorrow's leaders. Here's a story that sums up my school experience. (Brace yourself: it's a good one.)

My mother (oh god, I'm already talking about Mum and I haven't even started the book) had what can only be described as a laissez-faire approach to parenting. I was pretty much a free-range kid with very few boundaries. I didn't wear shoes and never changed my clothes. I'd wear the same outfit for weeks on end. Yes, I slept, went to school, slept, went to school in the same clothes. Bath night was the first night of the month. ‘Kids don't get dirty,' my mum would say, even as my skin became progressively darker as the month went on. When I came home from school, I ate cereal or a big bowl of defrosted frozen peas. I didn't do any homework. During my years at primary school, I was always in trouble because I did my own thing. My parents loved me, but my home life was somewhat unconventional. (If you're wondering why such laidback parents sent me to Scotch, my theory is it came down to the ‘price placebo effect' – the more you pay, the better you think it will be.)

Scotch College had a uniform, including a tie and shoes. Socks had to be pulled up, shirt tucked in, all of that. None of which worked for me. My uniform was a hand-me-down ...