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The Anatomy of Peace, 2nd Edition by The Arbinger Institute

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13 •  More Germ Warfare

“In fact,” Yusuf replied, “Avi will tell you that his most common justification style invites him to go soft.”

The group looked over at Avi.

“True,” Avi nodded. “Shall I share some thoughts about it?” he asked Yusuf.

“Please.”

“When we find justification in softness,” Avi began, “it’s usually because we’re carrying around a third basic kind of justification box, a box we call the need-to-be-seen-as box.

“It looks something like this.”

THE NEED-TO-BE-SEEN-AS BOX

View of MyselfNeed to be wellthought ofFake

View of OthersJudgmentalThreateningMy audience

FeelingsAnxious/AfraidNeedy/StressedOverwhelmed

View of WorldDangerousWatchingJudging me

“When I’m carrying around this kind of box,” Avi said, as he finished ...

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