The Bad, the Not-So-Bad, and the Good
Using a murder mystery as a framework, here are annotated examples of a bad fiction query letter, followed by a query letter that shows promise but still needs work, and finally, a good version. (We’ve only shown the body of the letters. You can find formatting basics for either e-mail or snail mail in Chapters 4 and 5.)
Dear Ms. Austen,
I am writing to inform you that I have two novels, one a young adult book titled Screen Door Shutting and the other, a science-fiction story called Aliens I Have Loved. [Never pitch two projects in the same query!]
I need find a publisher for them, and I am asking you to do this as my agent, to represent me and make us both some money! [Talking about money in a query ...