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The Essential Guide to Grief and Grieving

Book Description

Debra Holland, a psychotherapist and specialist in grief counseling, shares her indispensable knowledge in The Essential Guide to Grief and Grieving, tackling the difficult questions about how men and women, young and old, cope with loss. This accessible, inspiring, and insightful guide helps readers understand the various kinds and levels of grief, how people are trained to experience grief, the theories concerning the stages in the journey of grief, and ways to get through the pain and achieve some level of comfort.

- Includes solid concrete advice to help the healing process.
- Features dozens of real-life stories.
- Helpful for those who counsel the grieving as well as those who've experienced loss.

Table of Contents

  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright Page
  4. Dedication
  5. Introduction
  6. Part 1: Loss and Grief
    1. 1 The State of Grief
      1. What Is Grief?
        1. A Universal Experience
        2. Not Just Sadness and Disappointment
      2. Grief Is Different for Everybody
      3. Misconceptions About Grief
        1. It Will Pass
        2. Everyone Sympathizes
        3. Distraction Helps
        4. Don’t Think About Sad Things
        5. It Could Always Be Worse
    2. 2 Loss
      1. The Relationship Between Grieving and Loss
      2. Types of Loss
        1. People and Relationships
        2. Loss as Positive Change
        3. Anticipatory Loss
        4. Impact of Multiple Losses
      3. Loss and Regrets
        1. Type One
        2. Type Two
        3. Type Three
      4. Secondary Losses
        1. Financial Loss
        2. Loss of Ideals and Values
        3. Ongoing Loss
      5. Bouncing Back
    3. 3 How People React to Grief
      1. Grief Reactions
      2. Physical Effects
      3. Emotional Effects
      4. Mental Effects
      5. Behavioral Effects
      6. Spiritual Effects
      7. Moving Forward
    4. 4 Grief and Trauma
      1. What Is Trauma?
      2. Traumatic Events
        1. War and Disaster
        2. Primitive Responses to Fear
        3. Thoughts, Emotions, and Trauma
        4. Personality and Trauma
      3. Reactions to Trauma
        1. Physical Reactions
        2. Mental Reactions
        3. Emotional Reactions
        4. Delayed Reactions
      4. The Double Whammy of Trauma and Grief
      5. Coping with Grief-Related Trauma
  7. Part 2: Bereavement
    1. 5 Perspectives About Death
      1. The Historical Perspective
        1. Before the Mid-Twentieth Century
        2. Modern Medicine Changes the Statistics
      2. American Cultural View of Death
        1. Attitudes Toward Death
        2. Extending Life to Cheat Death
        3. Concept of Fairness in Death
      3. The Elisabeth Kübler-Ross Model
        1. The Five Stages
        2. Limitations of the Stages Model
      4. Reactions to Circumstances of Death
        1. Sudden Versus Lingering Death
        2. Accidental Versus Natural
        3. Suicide
        4. Violence
        5. Death from Active Duty
    2. 6 The Grief Journey
      1. Each Journey Is Different
      2. Feelings Associated with Bereavement
        1. Guilt
        2. Sadness
        3. Loneliness
        4. Despair
        5. Envy
        6. Frustration
        7. Resentment/Bitterness/Hatred
        8. Shame/False Pride
        9. Fear
        10. Hopelessness
        11. Detachment/Numbness
      3. Feeling Depressed
      4. A Day-by-Day Journey
      5. Holidays and Other Speed Bumps
      6. Unexpected Surges of Grief
    3. 7 Death of Parents
      1. Death of Parent(s) When You’re a Child
      2. Death of a Parent When You’re a Young Adult
      3. Death of a Parent When You’re Older
        1. Guilt
        2. Issues with Siblings
      4. Grieving Difficult Parents
      5. One Parent Remains
      6. Losing Beloved In-Laws
      7. Losing the Second Parent
      8. Wrapping Things Up
      9. Coping with Your Parent’s Death
    4. 8 Death of a Spouse
      1. ’Til Death Do Us Part
        1. Yearning
        2. In Mourning
        3. Loneliness
      2. Caregiving for a Dying Spouse
      3. Young Widow or Widower
      4. Losing Your Longtime Spouse
      5. Living Without Your Spouse
        1. Struggling to Adjust at Home
        2. Learning Your Partner’s Tasks
      6. Difficult Choices
        1. Financial Decisions
        2. Personal Possessions
        3. Moving
      7. Helping Your Children Cope
      8. Coping with Your Spouse’s Death
    5. 9 Death of a Child
      1. The Sharpest Pain
        1. Wanting to Die
        2. Guilt
        3. Vulnerability
      2. Reactions of Others
        1. Shock and Survivor Guilt
        2. Withdrawal
      3. The Loss of Children at Different Life Stages
        1. Miscarriage
        2. Death of a Child, 0–12
        3. Death of an Adolescent
        4. Death of an Adult Child
      4. Effects on the Family Unit
        1. Marital Problems
        2. Sibling Grief
        3. Extended Family Members
      5. Coping by Helping Other Parents
      6. Life Goes On Without Your Child
    6. 10 Death of Extended Family and Friends
      1. Grandparents
      2. Siblings
        1. Squabbles and Best Friends
        2. Facing Your Own Mortality Issues
      3. Aunts and Uncles
        1. Loving Parental Figures
        2. Parental Mortality Issues
      4. Cousins, Nieces, and Nephews
      5. Death of a Friend
      6. When You’re Not Close
      7. Coping with the Death of Loved Ones
      8. Death of a Pet
        1. Companionship and Unconditional Love
        2. When Pets Die
        3. Coping with the Loss of Your Pet
    7. 11 Death in the Workplace
      1. A Work “Family”
        1. Disbelief
        2. Employees Helping Each Other
        3. Management Escalates or Eases Tensions
      2. Reminders All Around
        1. Memory Slaps
        2. Circumstances Contributing to Grief
      3. Reactions at Work
        1. Repressed Feelings
        2. Lack of Focus and Concentration
        3. The Job Must Go On
      4. Management’s Responsibility
      5. Coping with a Co-Worker’s Death
    8. 12 Death at School
      1. Death Visits the School
        1. Death of a Teacher or Coach
        2. Affected Faculty, Staff, and Parents
        3. Death of a Classmate
        4. The Impact on the School Community
        5. Circumstances Impacting the Death
      2. Reactions of Grieving Students
      3. Suicide of a Student
        1. Bullycide
        2. Handling the Suicide
      4. Helping Students Cope
        1. Handling the News
        2. Learning and Sharing
        3. Students at Risk
        4. Aids to Recovery
    9. 13 How to Support the Bereaved
      1. Negative Messages
        1. “Be Strong”
        2. “Get Over It”
      2. Funeral Behavior
        1. Attending the Funeral
        2. What Not to Say at a Funeral
        3. Do’s and Don’ts for the Funeral and Reception
      3. Helping the Mourner
        1. Right After the Death
        2. In the Weeks, Months, and Years Following
      4. Specific Ways to Help
        1. Listening, Not Talking
        2. Lending a Helping Hand
        3. Avoid Giving “Should” Advice
        4. Helping Others Help You
  8. Part 3: Loss in Other Life Circumstances
    1. 14 Painful Partings
      1. The Loss of a Friendship
        1. Gradual Change Versus Sudden Endings
        2. It’s Over, But They’re Not Really Gone
        3. Are You the Problem?
        4. Grieving the Loss of Groups of Friends
        5. Loss at Different Life Stages
      2. Coping with the Loss of a Friend
      3. The Loss of a Romantic Relationship
        1. Slow Death of the Relationship
        2. Sudden Breakup
      4. How to Move On
        1. Disenfranchised Grief
        2. Guilt and Blame
    2. 15 Death of a Marriage
      1. Separation and Divorce
        1. Breakdown of Communication
        2. Broken Trust
        3. Secondary Losses
      2. Struggling with Emotions
        1. Shame and Failure
        2. Negativity and Bitterness
      3. Family Issues
        1. Grieving for Your Children
        2. Your Ex’s Family
        3. Extended Family Grief
      4. Coping with Divorce
        1. Self-Doubt
        2. When Your Ex Moves On
        3. Processing the Pain
        4. Moving On
    3. 16 Transitions and Grief
      1. Job Loss
        1. Your Job, Your Identity
        2. A Sense of Shame
      2. Secondary Losses
        1. Family Problems
        2. Financial Concerns
      3. Coping with Job Loss
      4. Loss of a Home
        1. What a Home Means
        2. Selling the Family/Childhood Home
      5. Coping with the Loss of Your Home
        1. Foreclosure
        2. Disaster
    4. 17 Grief Due to Physical Life Changes
      1. The Aging Journey
        1. Lack of Support
        2. Coping with Aging
      2. Chronic Conditions
        1. Common Emotional Reactions
        2. Secondary Losses from Chronic Conditions
      3. Affected Relationships
        1. Caregiving
        2. Parental Grief
      4. Finding Acceptance
  9. Part 4: Recovery
    1. 18 Help from Others
      1. Grief Counseling
        1. Bereavement Groups
        2. Internet Support Groups
        3. Pastoral Grief Counseling
      2. Psychotherapy
        1. Picking a Good Counselor
        2. Healing Experience
      3. The Support of Friends
    2. 19 Children and Grief
      1. Grief at Different Developmental Stages
        1. Telling the Truth
        2. Younger Children
        3. Tweens
        4. Teens
      2. Children and Bereavement
        1. Younger Children
        2. Older Children
      3. Attending the Funeral
      4. What Others Can Do
      5. Helping Kids Cope with Divorce
    3. 20 Self-Care
      1. Caring for Your Body and Soul
        1. Eat Well and Exercise
        2. Limit Stress
        3. Laugh
      2. Being of Service to Others
      3. Healing Tools
        1. Find Comforting Rituals
        2. Journaling
        3. Reading
      4. Embrace Spirituality
        1. Organized Religion
        2. Other Perspectives
        3. Forgiveness
        4. Signs of Hope
    4. 21 Healing and Moving On
      1. The Power of Gratitude
        1. Brain Changes
        2. Mood Changes
      2. Integrated Healing
        1. Mentally
        2. Emotionally
        3. Socially
      3. Moving On Doesn’t Mean Forgetting
      4. Finding Meaning in Loss
      5. Peace and Acceptance
  10. Appendixes
    1. Resources
  11. Index
  12. About the Author