The Mac & Cheese Millionaire

2FailureThe Shittiest Part of Finding Success

“Knowing what you can not do is more important than knowing what you can do. In fact, that’s good taste.”

—Lucille Ball

As a kid, I loved playing soccer. My parents, busy, self-employed wards of three children, tried to combine activities for us whenever possible to minimize pickups and drop-offs, so they signed up my brother for soccer as well.

My brother Stephen is not exactly what you’d call a natural athlete. He inherited the stocky, Eastern European build of my mom’s Jewish roots, and all the crappy genetics that go along with it. If we both ate a salad, he would gain a pound of water weight while I would lose that same amount. His spotty vision required glasses from a young age, which, coupled with his love of Shakespeare, gave birth to his nickname: “The Professor.” He had to wear a corset-like brace for years to correct the scoliosis in his back and was best known in social circles for his dead-on impressions of Julia Child, who was also his most frequently chosen costume for Halloween.

My brother hated going to soccer and complained about it endlessly. He was only five at the time, but he pulled out all the stops. He feigned illness, “lost” his cleats before practice, and threw epic temper tantrums. When none of this worked, he pulled out the pièce de résistance. In the middle of a game, in the burning heat of the midday LA sun, he lay down in the middle of the field and stopped moving.

In family lore, there is ...