The Parental Leave Playbook

Chapter TwoThe 10A Transition Touchpoints Framework

YOU MIGHT HAVE already asked yourself, “Why isn't there a manual for this becoming a working parent thing?” Everybody has this reality check at some point. For me it was when I left the hospital and looked down at my son all scrunched in his car seat and thought, “What the heck do I do now?” For Kisha, it was when she felt her baby's first kick and realized this was really happening. For Jay, it was when he saw his partner constantly breastfeeding and realized it was on him to care for their toddler while also working full time from home. Many people ask for a manual when they confront changing a first diaper or giving a first bath. Yet even with this nearly universal desire, there still isn't a universal manual. As mind-boggling as this may be, there is a good reason: every child and every parent is different.

What are we really asking for when we yearn for a manual? Do we really want someone to tell us what to do? Do we care, or even listen, if we don't think it applies to us? What makes that magic moment possible when something clicks and we can finally hear for the first time what we may have been told 10 times before?

I worked with Caitlin when she had her second child. After he was born, she reported, “Wow, it's so much easier this time around. I'm much more relaxed because I know what to expect and I know that some of the things that were so scary before pass quickly. I really wish I had known this with my first.” She ...