The Pause Principle

CHAPTER 1Why Is It So Hard to Pause?

Man will only become better when you make him see what he is like.

—Anton Chekhov

You’ve got this big idea. It’s something you’ve been working on for months. It took a while to move out of the details and focus on the big picture, and you finally have the approach. All that’s left is to share the news and get your team to implement the vision. The moment you say it aloud, there’s pushback. “We don’t have enough bandwidth for this.” That one comment leads to a domino of reasons why this can’t, shouldn’t, or won’t happen in the way you dreamed or when you need it by. Your anger and frustration come quickly, and within seconds you’re slamming your hand on the table, moving papers around angrily and yelling. Maybe this behavior doesn’t happen all the time. Likely 95% of the time you can disagree and can hear different voices and challenge them calmly, but this other 5% of the time, when you buckle under pressure, it feels impossible to not lose your cool. And what’s hard is that these are the moments your team and those around you remember. What’s most memorable is what’s out of the ordinary—the moments that aren’t routine. When the stakes are high and you lose your ability to respond in a measured and balanced manner, others see it, and when those in leadership roles breakdown, research shows, so do their teams.

It’s been studied and decided that leaders who can’t engage in dialogue under pressure create a negative impact on their team, ...