The Pause Principle

CHAPTER 7Eyes Toward Another

Not everyone is gonna think I’m funny or pretty, and that’s okay. They’re wrong though.

—Anonymous

Most of us who have worked hard to be in a leadership position have gotten here based on the choices and difficult decisions we’ve made. And sometimes it’s easy to think we have all the answers and the way we do things is the right and best way. It’s okay to admit it, at least to yourself. And know this, while it may not be the nicest thing to do, it’s normal for us to make judgments of others and think of ourselves as better than. In psychology it’s called superiority illusion: the belief that you are better than average in any particular metric (Yamada et al. 2013). In general, anyone who makes a decision that is backed by a thought believes the decision is correct and ideal. This means that everyone in your C-suite or your office or team feels this way. If you take a quick look on Reddit, you’ll see posts upon posts from employees talking about how much more they know than those they work for. It’s everywhere. We all have it within us, and usually we can keep a lid on it, but when there’s a way you want something to be done and it doesn’t match the way another person wants it to be done, then phrases such as “Idiot” or “This guy is just ridiculous” seep through the lips. This super-iority illusion is what makes it hard to listen to others without getting riled up in some way.

We aren’t ever going to stop disagreeing with people. And because ...