This Rule follows on nicely from the last one and sex isnt the
only reason not to rush to conclusions.
We’re all quite cautious about how much of ourselves we reveal
to other people. And in a new relationship, we’re going to do
our best to present the most positive things to our new partner.
You do it, I do it, everyone does it. It takes time to get to know
someone well, and for them to feel sufficiently confident in you
to drop their guard.
Of course, if this person is really as wonderful as you hope, the
things that get revealed later on won’t be a problem. I have a
friend whose partner is prone to depression. It was a few months
before he found the courage to tell her, given that he wasnt
going through a depressed phase when they met. He is a great
bloke, and she was more than happy to take this on board and
help him cope with it. But someone else might have reacted dif-
ferently; if she was depressive herself, for example, it might have
been a much bigger problem.
The point is that you’re not going to find out for a good while if
your new partner is selfish, or controlling, or rude to your friends,
or hates most of the things you love, or is unsympathetic to your
hang-ups, or worse still is alcoholic, say, or abusive (which, as we
saw in Rule 9, isnt going to change). Some of these things are
worth putting up with and some arent, but you can’t make that
decision until you know what you’re dealing with.
RULE 11
24
T H E R U L E S O F L O V E
Get to know someone
through all the
seasons before
making any major
decisions
A year is a perfectly reasonable length of time to ask someone to
wait before deciding to live together, get married, have kids, emi-
grate or to make any other big decisions. If your wonderful new
partner is putting on the pressure after a few months, just tell them
that this is your Rule: know someone through all the seasons before
making any major decisions. I know some people get frustrated
with partners who still won’t make a commitment after three or
four years, but that’s different. Asking for 12 months’ breathing
space is entirely reasonably and sensible, and you have every right
to gently insist on it.
If this is really the right person to be with, waiting 12 months to
decide your future will be well worth it. After all, what’s a year com-
pared with a lifetime? Whats the rush? Why not relax and have fun
before all that real life stuff starts piling on top of you?
RULE 11
25
R U L E S F O R F I N D I N G L O V E
IF THIS IS REALLY THE
RIGHT PERSON TO BE
WITH, WAITING 12 MONTHS
WILL BE WELL WORTH IT

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