The Self-Care Mindset

CHAPTER 12Self‐Responsibility

“What do I need so that I can…?”

“I'm concerned that I'm burning out before reaching the top of my career. I'm always exhausted because I don't sleep because of my kids. I'm 35 years old, and I feel like I can't last much longer.”

This was the concern of a young man I met during a training for rising young leaders. But instead of jumping straight into giving him suggestions about how to get better or more sleep, I paused and asked, “Tell me more; your kids are young. Are they not sleeping well?”

“No, that's not it,” he replied. “They're not that young, they're eight and nine years old, and they sleep fine.” I was confused and asked him to tell me more. “After they go to bed, I have to watch sports, and then it gets late, and I have to get up again at 5 a.m. I simply don't get enough sleep.”

In unison, people around him began nodding in agreement as it seemed like they could relate to the problem of going to bed too late because of their kids.

“Okay, so let me get this right,” I replied. “You don't get enough sleep because you stay up late watching sports? It's not because of your kids; it's because you want to watch sports after they go to bed? I completely understand that you want some down‐time to end your day without commitments and responsibilities. However, the story you are telling yourself is that you are exhausted and burning out because of your kids. Can you see that staying up late is your choice?”

He agreed and slowly nodded. I could ...