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The Shift by Kimberly White

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10   The Third Key

REALIZE I’M THE PROBLEM

Sometimes, especially in longer and more fraught relationships, thinking about the other person isn’t enlightening so much as it is infuriating. Many times I tried to see my husband as a person, tried to see his point of view, but thinking about him would leave me so frustrated and angry that I would abandon all my noble ambitions. “Yes, I can see that he is frustrated and disappointed, but that doesn’t mean he should say that!” I would say to myself.

I didn’t shift at all by thinking that way—if anything, it entrenched my bitterness. I needed a different approach; I needed the third key.

The Attribution Error

Social psychology includes a phenomenon called the correspondence bias or the fundamental attribution ...

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