REALIZE I’M THE PROBLEM
Sometimes, especially in longer and more fraught relationships, thinking about the other person isn’t enlightening so much as it is infuriating. Many times I tried to see my husband as a person, tried to see his point of view, but thinking about him would leave me so frustrated and angry that I would abandon all my noble ambitions. “Yes, I can see that he is frustrated and disappointed, but that doesn’t mean he should say that!” I would say to myself.
I didn’t shift at all by thinking that way—if anything, it entrenched my bitterness. I needed a different approach; I needed the third key.
Social psychology includes a phenomenon called the correspondence bias or the fundamental attribution ...