CHAPTER TWELVETHE FIFTH DIRECTION • A Daily Practice of Centering Ourselves

There are only so many ways to commit suicide when you’re 13 years old. Or so I thought. I’ve never been the most creative person, but what I lacked in innovative thinking, I made up for with time. I had so much time to think about how to end my life. It was the only way I could fall asleep at night during what turned out to be the last year of my mom’s life. Each night I’d go from She can’t die. She won’t die. There’s no way she’ll die. Please live. Please live. Please live. to If she does die, I cannot live. How will I kill myself? Daily, that was how I centered myself. Every night, that was how I fell asleep. In terms of preventing this catastrophe, it seemed only ...

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