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Turn Enemies Into Allies

Book Description

In today’s workplace, managers, leaders, and HR professionals often believe they don’t have the time to help employees navigate conflict. More often than not, however, it takes more time not to address conflict than to constructively intervene. But before you can successfully guide others in managing disagreements, you must be able to manage yourself--your mindset, presence, and behaviors. Turn Enemies into Allies offers a way of working with clashing employees that is deliberate and systematic--one that draws on the author's expertise in conflict and communication skill-building and a decades-long practice in mind-body principles from the martial art aikido. Following the author’s step-by-step guide, you will: Acquire the skill and confidence to coach conflicting employees back to a professional, effective working relationship, while simultaneously changing their lives for the better. Restore control and peace of mind to the workplace. Increase your leadership presence.

Table of Contents

  1. Cover Page
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Dedication
  5. CONTENTS
  6. FOREWORD
  7. INTRODUCTION
    1. Why Should You Read This Book?
    2. This Book Is a Process and a Guide
    3. The Costs of Unaddressed Conflict
    4. A New Approach
    5. Aikido: The Art of Peace
    6. The Four Phases
    7. Getting on the Mat
    8. Sources
  8. PHASE 1: BOWING IN
    1. 1 WORK ON YOURSELF ALONE
      1. Primary Purpose
      2. A Positive Mindset
      3. Presence, Power, and Purpose
      4. Practices and Attitudes to Maximize Presence, Power, and Purpose
      5. Practices and Attitudes that Are Detrimental to the Process
      6. Before You Engage
      7. Understand the Process
      8. Key Points
      9. Sources
    2. 2 ALIGN AND ENGAGE
      1. Primary Purpose
      2. Why Meet Individually?
      3. Stand Side by Side
      4. Listen and Acknowledge
      5. Create Openings
      6. Key Points
  9. PHASE 2: ENTERING AND BLENDING (INDIVIDUAL SESSIONS)
    1. 3 MEASURE WILLINGNESS AND ABILITY
      1. Primary Purpose
      2. Assess Willingness to Commit
      3. WIIFM
      4. Shift from Resistance to Connection
      5. Brain Science
      6. Resistant Versus Connecting Language
      7. What to Watch For
      8. Gain Commitment: The 5 Ps
      9. Develop Ability
      10. Identify Conversation Catalysts
      11. Document the Session
      12. Key Points
      13. Sources
    2. 4 DEVELOP POWER AND PRESENCE
      1. Primary Purpose
      2. Teach Centered Presence
      3. Centering and the Learning Mindset
      4. Teach Personal Power
      5. Teach Clarity of Purpose
      6. Practice
      7. Homework Examples
      8. Key Points
      9. Sources
    3. 5 DEMONSTRATE COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES
      1. Primary Purpose
      2. Conduct a Learning Conversation
      3. The Difficult Conversation
      4. The 6-Step Checklist
      5. Understanding as a Goal
      6. Inquiry
      7. Acknowledgment
      8. Advocacy
      9. Practice
      10. Homework Examples
      11. Key Points
      12. Sources
  10. PHASE 3: REDIRECTING (JOINT SESSIONS)
    1. 6 LOOK FORWARD
      1. Primary Purpose
      2. The Fun Part!
      3. Is It Time?
      4. Build Rapport: First Joint Session
      5. Practice
      6. Homework Examples
      7. Key Points
      8. Sources
    2. 7 RESOLVE, REFLECT, REINFORCE
      1. Primary Purpose
      2. Objectives: Resolve, Reflect, Reinforce
      3. Powerful Conversation Openings
      4. Logistics
      5. Resolve, Reflect, Reinforce
      6. Practice/Homework Examples
      7. Key Points
      8. Sources
  11. PHASE 4: BOWING OUT
    1. 8 REVIEW AND FOLLOW-UP
      1. Primary Purpose
      2. New Life at Work
      3. Writing an Agreement
      4. Including Others in the Process
      5. Follow Up and Check In
      6. Three Possible Outcomes
      7. Key Points
      8. Vibrant and Joyful
  12. APPENDIX A: BEFORE ACTION REVIEW
  13. APPENDIX B: STYLE INSTRUMENTS
    1. The Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)
    2. The DiSC Personality Assessment
    3. As I See Myself
    4. Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®)
    5. The Conflict Dynamics Profile
  14. APPENDIX C: TURN ENEMIES INTO ALLIES “LITE”
    1. Phase 1: Working on Yourself Alone
    2. Phase 2: Individual Sessions
    3. Phase 3: Joint Sessions
    4. Phase 4: Review and Follow-Up
  15. APPENDIX D: SUPPORT BETWEEN SESSIONS
    1. Samples from Individual Sessions
    2. Samples from Joint Sessions
  16. APPENDIX E: 6-STEP CHECKLIST WORKSHEET
    1. Possible Openings
  17. APPENDIX F: SAMPLE AGREEMENT
  18. FURTHER RESOURCES
    1. Books
    2. Websites, Blogs, and Videos
  19. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  20. INDEX
  21. ABOUT THE AUTHOR