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When you touch a person’s heart and soul
you resonate
To commit to a genuine agreement you need to reach
into your heart and seek to resonate with the
other person.
There is a tendency, especially in the
USA, to use the phrase What you say
resonates with me’ as opposed to ‘I
agree with what you say’. There is an
important distinction. Agreement is
the result of a rational thought process
and signifies the acceptance of ideas
or opinions proffered by another person. Resonance (in the
psychological context) goes beyond this to include emotional
harmony. There is also a spiritual component. The statement
What you say resonates with me’ indicates the twanging of an
emotional chord and feeling reflected in the statement:
This person is talking the same language as me, she is on my
In this context a related word is accord’. When you reach an
accord it implies there is harmony and unity. There is an
emotional as well as spiritual element to an accord. Resonance
occurs when you touch a chord and this is reflected back
through an echo. The main difference between an accord and
resonance is that the former tends to be ‘formal’ whilst the latter
is more an informal and spontaneous process.
Dissonance occurs when no positive emotional chord is struck.
The words expressed grate and negative feelings are generated.
Dissonance has the same relationship to discord and
disagreement as resonance has to accord and agreement.
resonance involves
twanging an
emotional chord
In practice to resonate means tuning into another person’s
wavelength to connect not just with her thoughts (as expressed
in what she says) but also with the emotions that underpin
these. When there is clarity, balance and an echo in the two-way
transmission of ideas and feelings in all probability there will be
a mutually beneficial understanding and harmony. This is
resonance. The two sounds become one. This is unity. We speak
the same language’, We are on the same wavelength.
To become wanted in any organisation requires such resonance.
It requires developing the skill, when walking into a room of
strangers, to tune in quickly to their wavelength and reflect back
clearly that you are also on the same wavelength. This will endear
you to them and spark a reaction, This person is like one of us’.
They will sense the harmony that can be achieved in working
with you for the simple reason that what you say, and the way
you say it, touches emotional chords with them (and vice versa).
People who have superb relationship skills have this innate
ability to resonate with others. But even if it is not in your genes
you can develop the skill by sensitising yourself to the reactions
of others and your reactions to them. You can practise by
focusing on all the little signals people send out and trying to
understand their underlying meaning. You can then respond
effectively. For example, would you a trust a person whose eyes
shift around frequently and who does not look at you whilst you
speak? How would you react to a person who has a persistent
smirk on his face? Shifting eyes and smirks are barriers to
resonance and you need to develop your sensitivity to these
minutiae of human behaviour. They tell you a lot.
These aspects of body language reflect the emotional
undertones that colour people’s behaviour (together with the
spiritual forces that drive it) and if you fail to sensitise yourself
to them then you stand little chance of resonating with others
and becoming wanted.
When in serious discussion with a colleague or a boss ask
yourself, ‘Does what she is saying resonate with me? If the
answer is Yes’ you are more likely to reach agreement than if
the answer is ‘No’.
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