Wealth of Wisdom

CHAPTER 1Four Profound Questions for Families

Ellen Miley Perry

During my 30 years advising families, I have come to believe that there are a few important questions that, if handled thoughtfully, with care, can be a pathway to deep connection, emotional intimacy, and greater familial well-being.

For many of us, it is not always natural or easy to identify what we truly need to know or appreciate or understand more deeply about ourselves or our family members in order to learn, evolve, and grow as human beings and loving, caring family members, spouses, parents, and siblings.

Too frequently we fall into the old predictable patterns when we are with our family of origin (siblings and parents). We forget to come to family relationships with curiosity, reverence, and a willingness to change our minds. Rather, we often come with certainty, decades-old stories, narratives about the others, and hurts long ago borne.

So often families call advisors like me with a problem, a transition, or a worry. They rarely call when they think that tomorrow will look just like today and that things are going pretty well. Families often look for help or advice with concerns about individual family members who seem lost or stuck or when the family as a whole is facing important changes, such as illness or death, a transaction, or an important transition ahead. Stated another way, it's usually when the skills and strategies that got them to here don't seem like they will get them to there.

Strategies ...