Wealth of Wisdom

CHAPTER 48Expectations versus Agreements

Mimi Ramsey and Stephanie Hardwick

Money is a very difficult subject for most families to discuss. It is quite common for individual members to have firm ideas about what their financial future looks like without ever having a money conversation with other family members. This lack of clear communication leads to what we have identified as one of the major causes of turbulence in affluent families. Families that are able to transform unshared expectations into co-created agreements strengthen relationships and thrive together.

An expectation is a belief that something will or should happen. When real life doesn't match that, it can lead to feelings like disappointment, frustration, and resentment. Left unaddressed, unmet expectations can become toxic to family relationships. We facilitate families in creating agreements to replace problematic expectations.

Expectations are formed in the mind of an individual based on their own perspective, opinions, and assumptions. Often, they are created with little to no input from those impacted by the expectation. The other person's view of what is “supposed to happen” will look very different. This is a recipe for misunderstandings and resentment and, in many situations, leads to blaming and shaming in families.

The ideal family culture reduces unspoken expectations and builds more harmonious relationships by embracing co-created agreements.

Description/Process

This exercise introduces a process ...