CHAPTER 7

CAPE UP SO YOU DON’T COP OUT

If you’re old enough to have ever dressed up as schoolgirl-era Britney Spears for Halloween, you probably remember what the Yellow Pages were. If not, picture a massive book that included the landline phone number of everyone in your entire city. (Landlines were phones that were connected to walls and incapable of scrolling Instagram.)

Back in the early 2000s, my very first “real-world” job involved combining these relics together to cold-call local Baltimore businesses and ask if they would consider buying local daytime TV advertising airtime. Picture Anchorman meets The Wire. You know those infomercials that have been mercilessly made fun of on Saturday Night Live? Yep, that’s what I sold, and most of ...

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