Balance is B.S.

CHAPTER 5V Squared: How to know your values and know your value

Call in the Coach: Emily on Exhaustion versus Integration

Consider the sources of exhaustion for a modern woman: trying to be everything to everyone, trying to be everywhere all the time, trying to be on top of everything, trying to remember everything, trying to do everything, taking responsibility for everything, and then trying to be a different person in every environment. So I've got to be my work version, my house version, my mommy version.

The ultimate test is this: If you can be the same person, in the same mode, with the same sense of humor, telling the same jokes with your parents, with your best friend, at work, with your children (maybe just with more appropriate language)—you are integrated. Being fragmented is the source of the exhaustion.

I travel a lot. Not because I have to, but because I like travel. I get my best ideas on planes. But I don't fucking fly coach, because that's not properly valuing my time. I lose a day either side, and I want to be present with my family when I get back.

I don't do TV. I don't cook or clean. I don't do acquaintances. I don't have an abundance of friends. I'm happy not to return phone calls from all the ladies at school who invite me to lunch. I don't care what people think any more because otherwise I'm just filling your diary and don't do anything for myself. You have a choice: care about what other people think or care about what you think. If it doesn't suit ...