CHAPTER 4Re-establish boundaries

Feeling resentful; frustrated; like you're being taken advantage of, walked over and uncared for: these reactions are all a result of either poor boundaries or, worse still, no boundaries at all. Sitting in Check Out, we lose sight of ourselves, of what matters, and spend quality time wallowing in self-pity and regret. The cloak of victimhood fits like an old worn shoe that we slip back into time and time again — unfashionable, slightly musty but familiar.

The result is brutal.

We can feel and act like a victim; like our needs don't matter. Our belief that the sacrifice is honourable and others will notice (eventually) is the hope that we don't dare whisper, let alone speak too loudly. When you've tried to stop being the victim in the past, perhaps you've recognised the need to set boundaries, and you may even have gone down the path of speaking up, but these actions didn't stick — which makes the pain dig even deeper. No wonder the cost of sitting in Check Out is our happiness!

From victim to validated

The rise of resentment also occurs when we're stuck in the legacy of past-boundaries — ones that haven't been readjusted despite circumstances changing. You started staying back a little later during the week of your induction so you could feel on top of things in your new role — and seven years later this has become your norm. If what is set in place is not serving you right now, something needs to change. After hitting the reset button ...

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