Coach the Person, Not the Problem

PART III

THE THREE MENTAL HABITS

Mastery is the deepening of presence, not the perfection of skills.

—MARCIA REYNOLDS

WHEN I TEACH leaders how to use a coaching approach to their conversations, I often hear the complaint “I’m asking more questions. No matter what I do, they don’t open up to me.”

My answer is always, “How are you listening?”

Knowing what to say in a coaching conversation is not enough. Developing coaching skills will help you engage clients to sort out their thoughts and think more clearly for themselves. Going deeper—uncovering what clients really want and what is stopping them from achieving their desires—requires that clients feel safe with you.

Leadership expert Doug Silsbee said, “In fact, our ability to facilitate lasting, ...