Coach Yourself!

8Four Key Building Blocks for Critical Conversations

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people never forget how you made them feel.

—Maya Angelou

As you prepare for a challenging conversation, assemble these four key building blocks: preparation, curiosity, active listening, and the ability to ask open‐ended questions to set yourself up for success.

Preparation

If you take one tip away from reading this book, it is this: always prepare for critical conversations. They invariably involve emotions, so the more we have thought through issues and understand what is important to us and the people we are discussing them with ahead of time, the more likely we are to stay calm and present in the meeting.

Pay attention to how your body feels as you prepare for such a conversation. What sensations are you experiencing: Rapid heartbeat? Stomach ache? Sweating palms? Being in tune with these physical reactions, which are normal, helps us be in tune with our emotional responses. Preparation is a tool for calming our emotions since we have the time and space to use our thinking brain (prefrontal cortex) to reflect and develop talking points. As the conversation approaches, simple mindfulness techniques like taking a few deep breaths will lower strong emotional responses and cortisol levels, and allow you to show up calmer for the conversation.

Samir and Performance Review Preparation Samir, a senior leader for an international relief agency, confided ...