Coaching with NLP For Dummies®

Knowing What's Important

The act of identifying your core values acts as the catalyst to shift beyond what you think you ought to do towards operating on the basis of what you truly want to do. Core values are the fundamental drivers behind your decisions and actions, which I refer to as end values in this chapter.

Separating must-haves from shoulds

Most people live more in their heads than in the outside world of events. The human mind is a tricky place, filled with thoughts, gremlins and assorted voices that buzz around.

The way you interpret an event and give it meaning results in pleasure or pain. For example, when a person you care for doesn't call, you can choose how to react. Are you happy because he may be busy and enjoying himself – or sad because he's probably forgotten you? Do you think a person should or ought to behave in a particular way?

The NLP Meta Model of language states that you are continually filtering information and making assumptions using the patterns of distortion, generalisation and deletion (refer to Chapter 6 for more about the Meta Model).

In coaching, you're likely to hear clients say, ‘My boss says I should do X’ or ‘My boyfriend thinks I ought to do Y.’ The Meta Model calls these types of generalisation patterns the modal operators of necessity. The clients' lives seem dictated by other forces rather than the clients' own free will.

While the ...