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Conflict Resolution at Work for Dummies®

Name: Conflict Resolution at Work for Dummies®
Author: Vivian Scott
ISBN: 9780470536438

by Vivian Scott

December 2009

Intermediate to advanced

356 pages

8h 47m

English

For Dummies

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Copyright
About the Author
Author's Acknowledgments
Publisher's Acknowledgments
Introduction
About This BookConventions Used in This BookWhat You're Not to ReadFoolish AssumptionsHow This Book Is OrganizedPart I: Understanding Conflict in the WorkplacePart II: Resolving a Conflict between Two or More of Your EmployeesPart III: Using Additional Resources to Resolve the ConflictPart IV: Smoothly Handling Conflict When You're One of the People InvolvedPart V: The Part of TensIcons Used in This BookWhere to Go from Here
I. Understanding Conflict in the Workplace
1. An Overview of Conflict Resolution at Work
1.1. Considering Common Contributors to Conflict1.1.1. Acknowledging differing perspectives1.1.2. Recognizing emotions in others1.1.3. Handling communication mishaps1.1.4. Deciphering group dynamics1.1.5. Assessing your own role1.2. Mediating like a Pro1.2.1. Following eight steps to a resolution1.2.2. Facilitating a conversation between two people1.2.3. Managing conflict with a team1.3. Tapping into Conflict Resolution Expertise1.3.1. Internal resources1.3.2. External resources1.4. Dealing with a Direct Conflict1.4.1. Finding solutions that work for both of you1.4.2. Creating a different future
2. Understanding What People Bring to Conflict
2.1. Rediscovering Communication2.1.1. Changing the goal of communication2.1.2. Choosing words carefully: The importance of language2.1.2.1. Making sure you're on the same page2.1.2.2. Being precise2.1.2.3. Avoiding inflammatory language2.1.3. Body language: Reading others' and managing your own2.1.4. Discerning tone of voice2.2. Figuring Out Why People Think the Way They Do2.2.1. Values: Understanding what's important to people2.2.2. Filters: Sifting through information2.2.3. History: Operating from the past2.3. Considering the Importance of Emotions2.3.1. Listening to what emotions tell you2.3.2. Dealing with emotional intensity and impact2.3.3. Acknowledging and processing difficult emotions on your team2.4. Responding to Conflict2.4.1. Giving in2.4.2. Avoiding the fight2.4.3. Fighting it out2.4.4. Compromising2.4.5. Working together
3. Determining How Groups Contribute to Conflict
3.1. Observing Your Organization's Culture3.1.1. Identifying the organizational focus3.1.2. Considering hiring or promoting practices3.1.3. Considering how your company adapts to change3.2. Recognizing Team Dynamics3.2.1. Dealing with mismatched expectations3.2.2. Acknowledging assigned and assumed roles3.2.3. Redefining power3.2.3.1. Too much power3.2.3.2. Too little power3.3. Groups Behaving Badly3.3.1. Joining cliques3.3.1.1. Focusing on the positive3.3.1.2. Understanding the negative3.3.1.3. Handling cliques3.3.2. Finding allies3.3.3. Creating inaccurate assumptions3.3.4. Making assumptions in the first place3.3.4.1. Coming to selective conclusions3.3.4.2. Asking rather than assuming3.3.5. Perpetuating gossip
4. Practicing Self-Awa reness: Understanding How Managers Foster Conflict
4.1. Micromanaging4.1.1. Stirring the Pot4.1.2. Dividing rather than uniting4.1.3. Appearing to take sides4.2. Not Taking the Time to Gain Understanding4.2.1. Overreacting4.2.2. Misunderstanding the real issues4.2.3. Looking the other way4.2.4. Being dismissive4.3. Talking about the Work Ineffectively4.3.1. Not sharing your contributions4.3.2. Underrepresenting your team4.4. Creating Ill-Defined Expectations and Responsibilities4.5. Hiring the Right Person for the Wrong Job4.6. Living in Fix-It Mode4.6.1. Talking instead of listening4.6.2. Being judge and jury4.6.3. Rescuing instead of coaching4.7. Denying Shortfalls4.7.1. Letting egos get in the way4.7.2. Lacking training or skills4.7.3. Being uncomfortable with change

5. Knowing When to Address Conflict
5.1. Assessing the Cost and Severity of the Conflict5.1.1. Hard costs associated with unresolved conflict5.1.2. Soft costs associated with unresolved conflict5.1.3. Determining severity5.2. Approaching Employees and Gathering Information5.2.1. Knowing your intent5.2.2. Sorting out the players5.2.3. Considering the meeting place5.2.4. Being consistent in your inquiries5.2.5. Asking questions5.3. Evaluating the Details of the Conflict5.3.1. What you know5.3.2. Follow-up conversations5.4. Empowering Employees to Handle the Issue Themselves5.4.1. Providing tips for success5.4.2. Motivating your employees to succeed5.4.3. Wrapping it up5.4.4. Watching their progress5.4.4.1. Complimenting their progress5.4.4.2. Knowing what to watch for5.4.4.3. Responding to progress
II. Resolving a Conflict between Two or More of Your Employees
6. Developing a Plan and Preparing for a Meeting
6.1. Preparing the Parties for a Conversation6.1.1. Inviting your employees to the meeting6.1.1.1. Issuing personal invitations6.1.1.2. Sending written invitations6.1.2. Explaining your role6.1.3. Helping employees get into the right frame of mind6.1.4. Assuring confidentiality6.1.5. Defining meeting parameters6.1.6. Giving pre-work/homework instructions6.2. Setting Up the Meeting6.2.1. Choosing a neutral location6.2.2. Allowing enough time6.2.3. Facilitating a comfortable environment6.2.4. Preparing yourself
7. Starting a Mediation Meeting and Creating a Working Agenda
7.1. Facilitating Effectively7.1.1. Establishing rapport and making the employees comfortable7.1.2. Showing your neutrality7.1.3. Actively listening7.1.4. Saving your questions for later7.2. Reviewing the Ground Rules for the Discussion7.2.1. Explaining roles and responsibilities7.2.2. Directing the flow of information7.2.3. Stressing uninterrupted time7.3. Giving the Participants a Chance to Present Their Perspectives7.3.1. Deciding who speaks first7.3.2. Listening to the second participant7.4. Summarizing and Reflecting Back What You Hear7.4.1. Reflecting emotions7.4.2. Reframing statements7.4.3. Neutralizing the perspectives7.5. Creating an Agenda7.5.1. Transitioning from the past to the future7.5.2. Demonstrating accessibility and ownership7.5.3. Separating their topics7.5.4. Labeling and defining issues7.5.5. Considering common agenda topics7.5.6. Using the agenda for negotiations
8. Negotiating Possible Solutions to a Conflict
8.1. Encouraging Communication8.1.1. Transitioning from past to future8.1.2. Motivating and encouraging your employees8.1.3. Listening and interjecting8.1.3.1. Ask questions8.1.3.2. Clarify and summarize8.1.3.3. Capture proposals8.2. Focusing on Values Rather Than Issues8.2.1. Discovering what's really important8.2.2. Reading between the lines to find values8.3. Fostering Brainstorming8.3.1. Defining brainstorming ground rules8.3.2. Narrowing the possible solutions8.4. Asking Great Questions8.4.1. Knowing which questions to use when8.4.1.1. Closed-ended questions8.4.1.2. Open-ended questions8.4.2. Sequencing your questions8.4.3. Avoiding unproductive questions8.4.3.1. Leading questions8.4.3.2. Assumptive questions8.4.3.3. Why questions8.5. Working through Resistance8.5.1. Identifying common causes of resistance8.5.2. Exploring the impasse8.5.3. Creating options8.5.4. Testing the margins8.5.5. Refocusing on values8.5.6. Interrupting negative behaviors8.5.7. Trying one last time to overcome resistance8.6. Meeting Privately with Each Individual8.6.1. Choosing who goes first8.6.2. Allowing parties to open up with added confidentiality8.6.3. Venting and exploring8.6.4. Preparing an employee to return to the open session
9. Offering Proposals and Crafting Agreements
9.1. Continuing Negotiations9.2. Proceeding with the meeting9.2.1. Listening for the good stuff9.2.1.1. New information9.2.1.2. Acknowledgments9.2.1.3. Changes in perspective or tone9.2.1.4. Apologies9.2.1.5. Proposals9.3. Developing Solutions and Agreements during Open Session9.3.1. Recognizing the nonnegotiable elements of a good settlement9.3.1.1. Doable9.3.1.2. Specific9.3.1.3. Durable9.3.1.4. Balanced9.3.1.5. Complete9.3.1.6. Satisfying9.3.2. Troubleshooting problem areas9.3.2.1. Vague language9.3.2.2. Settlement by attrition9.3.2.3. Fatigue9.3.2.4. Uncooperative behavior9.3.2.5. Incomplete contingency plans9.3.3. Writing it down9.4. Concluding the Meeting and Helping Everyone Leave with Optimism9.4.1. Settlement9.4.2. Interim agreements9.4.3. No settlement
10. Adapting a Conflict Meeting for the Entire Team
10.1. Acting as Facilitator10.2. Gathering Information from the Group10.2.1. Recognizing what you know10.2.2. Crafting questions to find out more10.2.3. Using interviews and surveys10.2.3.1. Interviews10.2.3.2. Surveys10.2.4. Creating a timeline10.3. Assessing the Intensity of a Conflict10.4. Formulating a Meeting Plan10.4.1. Determining the goal of your meeting10.4.2. Creating an agenda10.4.3. Proposing ground rules10.4.4. Considering breakout groups10.5. Kicking Off the Group Meeting10.5.1. Setting the tone10.5.2. Presenting the agenda and finalizing the ground rules10.5.3. Hearing from the participants10.5.4. Using intervention strategies10.5.5. Breaking into small groups10.5.5.1. Creating specific assignments10.5.5.2. Keeping groups on task10.5.6. Coming back to the larger group10.6. Devising a Team Plan for Follow-up10.6.1. Assigning next steps10.6.2. Creating benchmarks
11. Monitoring Agreements and Progress
11.1. Keeping an Eye on the Environment11.1.1. Looking for decreased tension11.1.2. Watching for positive changes in working relationships11.2. Tuning In to Changes in Communication11.2.1. Paying attention to content11.2.2. Distinguishing tone of voice11.2.3. Observing body language11.2.4. Watching reactions to difficult conversations11.2.5. Monitoring gossip levels11.3. Looking for Examples of Personal Responsibility11.3.1. Keeping agreements11.3.2. Showing an increased willingness to handle new problems11.4. Stepping In to Coach and Encourage11.4.1. Coaching employees after mediation11.4.2. Knowing when you're needed11.5. Leading Productive Follow-Up Meetings11.5.1. Setting up the meeting11.5.2. Holding the meeting
III. Using Additional Resources to Resolve the Conflict
12. Keeping a Team Focused During a Conflict
12.1. Addressing Safety or Legal Issues12.2. Limiting Chatter12.2.1. Being upfront and consistent12.2.2. Finding the time and place to address conflict12.2.3. Limiting closed-door meetings12.2.4. Creating ways to voice concern12.2.5. Sticking to Business as Usual12.2.6. Motivating your employees12.2.7. Keeping your team members focused on what they can control12.2.8. Having regular work meetings12.2.9. Building a Reputation as a Leader12.2.10. Encouraging Team Building12.2.11. Highlighting common interests and creating positive shared experiences12.2.12. Lightening the mood
13. Determining How Your Company Can Help
13.1. Working with Human Resources13.1.1. Partnering with you to tailor your approach13.1.2. Letting you know when action is required13.1.3. Providing training resources13.1.4. Accessing employees' work histories13.1.5. Identifying employee assistance program options13.2. Investigating Neutral Dispute Resolution Services13.2.1. Mediation program13.2.2. Shared neutrals program13.2.3. Ombudsman13.3. Tapping into Unions13.4. Proactively Designing a Conflict Resolution Plan13.4.1. What you can do13.4.1.1. Offering training13.4.1.2. Cultivating inside mediators13.4.1.3. Providing outside mediators and facilitators13.4.1.4. Giving employees multiple ways to access resources13.4.1.5. Always leaving the door open13.4.2. What your company can do13.4.2.1. Expanding the role of HR13.4.2.2. Creating a peer review panel13.4.2.3. Developing additional agreements with the union13.4.2.4. Revising the employee handbook13.4.3. Choosing a starting point
14. Getting Outside Experts to Facilitate Resolutions
14.1. Why Managers Do or Don't Call in Help14.1.1. Common reasons for delay14.1.2. Common reasons experts are called14.2. Considering the Menu of Professional Services14.2.1. Training14.2.2. Conflict coaching14.2.3. Mediation14.2.3.1. Styles of mediation14.2.3.2. Variations on mediation structure14.2.4. Group facilitation14.3. Going to Arbitration14.4. Hiring an Expert and Knowing What to Expect14.4.1. Starting with referrals14.4.2. Determining qualifications14.4.3. Contracting with a professional14.4.4. Understanding the process for intake and gathering information14.4.4.1. The intake process with you14.4.4.2. The intake process with employees
IV. Smoothly Handling Conflict When You're One of the People Involved
15. Identifying What Both Sides Want
15.1. Asking Yourself What You Really Want15.1.1. Figuring out your core values15.1.2. Identifying your hot buttons15.1.3. Considering your ability to listen15.1.4. Doing your best to be humble15.1.5. Asking for help15.1.6. Recognizing your strengths15.2. Thinking about What the Other Person Wants15.2.1. Identifying what you know15.2.2. Putting the drama aside15.2.3. Considering what you don't know15.3. Taking a Look at Both Sides15.3.1. Issues15.3.2. Values15.3.3. Hot buttons15.3.4. Strengths15.3.5. Common ground15.3.6. Proposals
16. Asking for a Meeting to Talk about the Conflict
16.1. Considering the Best Way to Approach the Other Person16.1.1. Remembering that timing and location are everything16.1.2. Choosing your words wisely16.1.3. Selecting the best mode of communication16.1.3.1. In person16.1.3.2. On the phone16.1.3.3. In writing16.2. Preparing for Resistance16.2.1. Responding to push-back tactics16.2.2. Getting past denial16.2.3. Addressing avoidance16.2.4. Finding hope in hopelessness16.3. Setting a Time and a Place for a Productive Discussion16.3.1. Time considerations16.3.2. Geography matters
17. Sitting Down to Talk Through the Issues
17.1. Preparing to Mediate Your Own Conflict17.1.1. Recognizing your dual role17.1.2. Adapting a mediation process for a one-on-one meeting17.2. Getting the One-on-One Started17.2.1. Putting together a natural-sounding opening statement17.2.2. Acknowledging the current challenge17.2.3. Explaining the steps the meeting will follow17.2.4. Committing to a productive meeting17.3. Sharing Perspectives17.3.1. Deciding who will begin17.3.2. Listening actively17.3.3. Summarizing what you've heard17.3.4. Speaking to be understood17.3.4.1. Describe the incident and then the impact17.3.4.2. Use "I-Messages"17.3.4.3. Be brief and clear17.3.5. Reaching across the divide when it feels as big as the Grand Canyon17.4. Creating an Agenda17.5. Looking for Win/Win Solutions17.5.1. Proposing positive alternatives17.5.2. Keeping the conversation on track17.5.3. Making decisions17.6. Concluding the Discussion17.6.1. Capturing the intent17.6.2. Fine-tuning the details17.6.3. Ending without agreements
18. Tailoring Your Approach to the Organizational Chart
18.1. Resolving Issues with Someone You Supervise18.1.1. Creating a dialogue18.1.2. What the conflicts are usually about18.1.3. Proactively adapting your approach18.1.4. Creating a positive environment18.1.5. Keeping your power in check18.1.6. Considering nerves18.2. Addressing Conflict with a Peer18.2.1. Respecting a peer's position18.2.2. Being sensitive to location18.2.3. Preserving the working relationship18.3. Having One-on-One Conversations with Your Boss18.3.1. Weighing the pros and cons of asking for a meeting18.3.1.1. When it may be a good idea to meet18.3.1.2. When you should consider holding off18.3.2. Redefining your concept of power18.3.3. Making the most of your time
V. The Part of Tens
19. Ten Things You Can Control When You're in an Unresolved Conflict
19.1. Your Plan for the Future19.2. Your Perspective19.3. Your Responses19.4. Your Investment19.5. Your Role in the Conflict19.6. Your Expectations19.7. Your Energy19.8. Your Own Story19.9. Your Method for Processing19.10. Your Character
20. Ten Reasons Managers Give for Not Addressing Conflict
20.1. I Don't Really Know How20.2. I Don't Want to Open a Can of Worms20.3. I Haven't Been Successful Before20.4. Problem? What Problem?20.5. I Don't Know Where to Start20.6. It's Not My Business20.7. I'm Not a Babysitter20.8. I Have Real Work to Do20.9. I Don't Want to Have to Fire Anyone20.10. I Don't Want to Look Bad
21. Ten Pearls of Wisdom from Professional Mediators
21.1. Value the Process as Much as the Outcome21.2. Accept That Her Truth Is Her Reality21.3. Rapport Matters21.4. Be Present and Available21.5. Find Common Ground for More Success21.6. Be Aware That This Isn't the Participants' Best Moment21.7. Silence Is Golden21.8. Be Curious21.9. Fear Rules the World21.10. Look to the Future

Content preview from Conflict Resolution at Work for Dummies®

Chapter 17. Sitting Down to Talk Through the Issues

In This Chapter

Balancing the roles of facilitator and participant
Mediating a conflict in which you're involved
Finding solutions and positive alternatives
Putting your words into action

You've likely let a lot of little things go between you and the person with whom you're having a conflict. If left unchecked, little things can amount to a bigger problem. A better strategy is to sit down, discuss the situation, and clear the air. But initiating a productive conversation about difficult topics takes courage. Though it may feel uncomfortable and risky to talk about the situation, you can use the tools in this chapter to keep yourself calm and focused and to keep the conversation productive.

Prior to sitting down with the other person, identify both of your needs using the tips and tools I lay out in Chapter 15. Refer to Chapter 16 for some details you need to consider when asking for a meeting, and, if necessary, tailor your approach to fit your audience by looking at how the organization chart may influence some of your decisions (see Chapter 18).

In this chapter, I walk you through how to mediate your own conflict, make your point, and consider the other person's perspective with an open mind. I give you tips on how to keep things on track while the two of you discuss the issues, and I also give you some ideas about what you can do next if you just can't seem to work it out.

Preparing to Mediate Your Own Conflict

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Conflict Resolution at Work for Dummies®

by Vivian Scott

Chapter 17. Sitting Down to Talk Through the Issues

Preparing to Mediate Your Own Conflict

Become an O’Reilly member and get unlimited access to this title plus top books and audiobooks from O’Reilly and nearly 200 top publishers, thousands of courses curated by job role, 150+ live events each month,
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