Cracking the Leadership Code

Chapter 7THE CONFUSING CONUNDRUM OF COMMUNICATION

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

—George Bernard Shaw

On a sunny day in August 1964, the S. S. Rotterdam set sail from the Netherlands to New York harbor. On board was my mother, Gilberte. She was going on what she thought was a vacation. She had no idea that she would arrive in America, meet my father, begin a family, and never return to live in her home country of Belgium.

In preparation for her trip, as a native French speaker, she'd been sharpening her English-language skills. With nearly 1,500 passengers on board, she had plenty of opportunities to practice. One evening, as the sun was beginning to set across the water, she sat on the promenade deck, learning about New York City from three of her newly made American friends. With dinner being served in about an hour, Gilberte knew she still needed to shower and change into proper dining attire. As she stood up to say goodbye, she turned to her new friend, Emily, and said, “I will kiss you many times in the French way.”

Emily stiffened and her face turned white. After a moment of shock, and some confusion on everyone's part, someone stepped in to interpret. For a French speaking–Belgian like my mother, “the French way” meant bises—little pecks on the cheeks, which is a customary way to say good-bye. Emily thought that “the French way” meant French kissing.

In other words, Emily thought my mom had just announced she was ...