Chapter 14Increasing Self‐Awareness
Life has never given me lemons. It has given me anger issues, anxiety attacks, a love of alcohol, and a serious dislike for stupid people.
—The Internet
In Working with Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman describes self‐awareness as “Knowing one's internal states, preferences, resources, and intuitions.”1
Self‐awareness goes beyond simply knowing yourself. For leaders, it is about developing the moment‐to‐moment insight into your emotional experience as well as understanding your own strengths, weaknesses, biases, and intuitions. It's like having a camera lens to zoom in and out on your emotions and abilities.
“Internal states” gets to the heart of the mind‐body connection. Before I started learning EQ skills, even hearing the phrase “mind‐body connection” brought the worst hippy‐dippy images to mind. It was a trigger for me – here come the sandals. As I got older, back pain opened up a new willingness to drop my judgmental attitude and blue‐collar sensibilities. Now I accept that how your body feels, affects your moods, thoughts, patience, and what comes out of your mouth. It's common sense. If you're in pain, you probably have a shorter fuse. If you haven't slept, you're probably ill‐tempered. If you're hungry, it's easy to become angry or “hangry” when you combine the two. Accepting the basic understanding that how your body feels ...
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