Dance Lessons

10

Using Your Head

to Keep Great

Partnerships Great

E

than passion and purpose, covenant and commit-

ment. Greatness is also the product of method

and discipline, process and action. If we use only

our heads, we cost the dance its richness.

However, if we use only our hearts, we cheat the

dance of relevance. Great dancers and great part-

ners use their heads wisely.

Partnership greatness depends on rational

discipline. Just as solid marriages require more

than devotion, partnerships need the toil of

focused action and the rigor of considerate

attention. The following checklist of partner-

initiated practices can help you sustain a great

relationship.

137

EXTRAORDINARY DANCE AND GREAT PARTNERSHIPS ARE MORE

LESSON

138 STEP FOUR: DANCING

Headsmart Tips for

Partnership Greatness

■ Be the one who initiates email or phone calls,

especially upbeat ones; don’t just return email

or calls after your partner has called.

■ Go see your partner in person, don’t just call;

call, don’t just write.

■ Be known for your ideas and recommendations, not

your defenses and justifications.

■ Use straight, candid language. Save diplomacy for the

press conference.

■ Until shown otherwise, assume that your partner’s

actions and intentions are honorable.

■ Use problem-solving “we” language, not judgmental

“you owe me” language.

■ Litter your meetings with a lot of discussion about

what you (plural) are doing right, rather than dwelling

solely on what you are doing wrong.

■ Keep differences and conflict in the open, never

hidden. Uncover and discuss interpersonal tension

as soon as you feel it.

■ Never badmouth your partner. Defend your partner

when others criticize, unless you have overwhelming

evidence to the contrary. Then let the others do

the talking.

■ Focus on “our collective future,” not a rehash of the

pains or debts of the past.

‘‘

Partners must affirm

partners. Partnerships

take constant attention

and hard work. Without

affirmation, you risk

taking each other for

granted. As a partnership

gets more automatic and

mature, the more crucial

affirmation becomes.

’’

—Kevin Freiberg,

San Diego Consulting Group

■ Rather than automatically shifting blame to your

partner, accept responsibility until the two of you can

work out where it belongs.

■ Approach problems as opportunities and errors as

teaching tools. Celebrate excellence, not just results.

■ Praise without criticizing—no “yes, but’s.” Be long on

affirmation, short on correction. Correct to improve,

never to prove.

■ Be clear but succinct in your partnership communi -

cations. Long-winded communications can waste time

and sap energy.

■ Assume there will be problems and work out ways to

deal with them before they occur. The emergency,

fire-fighting approach can strip partnership of vitality

and trust.

Getting Support

from Others

There is a classic competitive

dance called the quick step. The masters of this exciting dance

are able to combine a waltzlike grace from the waist up with

extraordinarily fast footwork from the waist down. The effect

is the same as being able to watch, first above and then below

the surface, a duck swimming up a stream. The visible “above

water” grace can fool the audience into thinking that the part

they cannot see is functioning smoothly and quietly also.

Partners who keep their trials and tragedies beneath the surface

can be inadvertently denied the external support they may need.

A great dance is rarely performed in an empty hall. The

power of a dance partnership is always influenced by factors on

USING YOUR HEAD TO KEEP GREAT PARTNERSHIPS GREAT 139

‘‘

Good partnerships

need continual mainte-

nance and occasional

calibration. Like a finely

tuned vehicle, if you’re

going to run it hard every

day and depend on it so

intensely, you must treat

it well. My advice is regu-

lar checkup meetings and

strict communications,

to make sure everyone

in the relationship is

‘calibrated.’

’’

—Michael Somers,

Computer Curriculum

Corporation