Dance Lessons

11

What to Do

When You

Trip Up

W

probably already surmised: we do not mean to

imply that in a great partnership great equals

perfect. In fact, imper fections are what make

great partnerships dynamic. To err is human,

and so are curiosity, creativity, discovery, growth,

strength, and con fidence. Mistakes are the events

that make us learn and grow.

The dark side of our imperfections, of

course, is that sometimes they destroy. They can,

and often do, bring a happy, productive partner-

ship to a bitter end. Some onstage stumbles can

be worked out in rehearsal or smoothed over in

later performances, but an egregious collision

resulting in permanent injury can bring down

the curtain long before the choreographed end

of the dance.

149

WE SHOULD POINT OUT SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE

LESSON

150 STEP FIVE: HURTING

Dance directors often coach novice dancers paralyzed by

anxiety onstage to “attack your fear.” This is the dark magic

found in most resilient relationships: great partners recognize

their own fear and guilt and use them as sources of strength and

growth. They turn human failings into collaborative virtues.

This lesson outlines some of the common mistakes indi-

viduals make in partnerships, along with how they can be over-

come. Here is a useful thing to remember: many stumbles in

partnerships happen in slow motion. They creep up on you

slowly, often with little warning. When you find yourself stum-

bling, it often means you tripped a good ways back. On the

other hand, your partner and constituents may see your mistake

when it happens—in time to catch you before you fall flat on

your face. A great partner gives early warning and is there to

help you recover.

Stumble #1:

You Make a Mistake

Mistakes are a part of all

relationships—with spouses, friends, and business partners.

However, even a false step as serious as betrayed trust can be

transformed into renewed partnership commitment when effec-

tively managed. Great partners view partnership recovery as an

opportunity to heal a broken relationship.

Here are four moves we have found effective in recovering

from the pain that you’ve caused.

Show Your Humility

Healing communication begins with humility—an expression

of authenticity. Speak for yourself, not your unit or company.

Apologize in the first person singular—“I’m sorry”—not “All of

us in the operations group are sorry.” Let your partner witness

your genuine concern. Look your partner in the eye. Be forth-

right and direct. Things went wrong; your partner was disap-

pointed. Acknowledge it honestly and frankly, and be ready to

learn from it and move on.

Express Sincere Empathy

Healing communication includes expressions of sincere empa-

thy—words and actions that let your partner know how much

you appreciate his pain and predicament. It does not mean you

must wallow in bad feelings. Empathy communicates under-

standing and identification. Show that you care. Understand ing

your partner’s concerns from his point of view will only enhance

your own understanding of the partnership.

Exhibit Strength and Agility

Healing communication also includes showing strength and

agility—words and actions that tell your partner she is dealing

with someone who has what it takes to correct the problem.

Partners want can-do competence, attentive urgency, and a

take-charge, “I’ll turn this around” attitude. Any temporary loss

of confidence can be overcome if your partner observes your

potency and nimbleness in problem resolution. Remember,

con fidence is restored by what you do, not by what you promise.

Demonstrate Loyalty to the Partnership

Healing communication includes expressions of loyalty—the

after-the-fact experiences of your partner that say, “I will not

abandon you now that I have regained, I hope, your confidence

in our relationship.” It is the opposite of taking for granted. It

is about continuous care and frequent follow-up. Pick up the

phone and call your partner later to find out if everything is

back to normal. Send your partner a note. If your partner knows

you remember and are still concerned, he will come to realize

that the bad experience was an exception.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU TRIP UP 151