Book description
The international bestseller--more than 500,000 copies sold!
With their 1994 international bestseller, Dealing with People You Can't Stand, Drs. Rick Brinkman and Rick Kirschner armed a civility-starved world with no-nonsense strategies for dealing with difficult people with tact and skill. Since then, cell phones, the Internet, voice mail, and other technological wonders designed to bring people closer together have only made it that much harder to avoid "people you can't stand;" even worse, they've also created exciting new ways for annoying people to realize their talent for being pains in the butt.
Updated and revised for the digital age, this new edition of Brinkman and Kirschner's bestselling guide shows readers how to successfully combat the whiners, grenades, tanks, snipers, close-talkers, pedants, and other rude, crude, and inconsiderate people who can ruin your day at work, in stores, on the street, in restaurants, at the movies, in waiting rooms, by fax, phone, and E-mail, and in cyberspace.
Table of contents
- Cover
- Dealing with People You Can’t Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst
- Copyright Page
- Dedication Page
- Contents
- Acknowledgments
- Introduction
-
Part 1. Getting to Know the People You Can’t Stand
- 1. The 10 Most Unwanted List
- Ten specific behaviors that represent people at their worst! The Tank
- The Sniper
- The Grenade
- The Know-It-All
- The Think-They-Know-It-All
- The Yes Person
- The Maybe Person
- The Nothing Person
- The No Person
- The Whiner
- 2 The Lens of Understanding
- A magnifying glass on behaviors reveals the motives behind them.
- Get the Task Done
- Get the Task Right
- Get Along with People
- Get Appreciation from People It’s a Question of Balance
- It’s a Question of Balance
- As Intent Changes, So Does Behavior
- You Can Hear Where People Are Coming From
- Shared Priorities, No Problem
- What Happens When the Intent Isn’t Fulfilled?
- 3. The Road to Hell Is Paved with Good Intentions
- Threatened Intent to Get Along with Others
- Threatened Intent to Get Appreciated by People
- To Summarize
-
Part 2. Surviving through Skillful Communication
- 4. From Conflict to Cooperation
- Two Essential Skills: Blending and Redirecting
- Blend Nonverbally with Body and Facial Expressions
- Blend Vocally with Volume and Speed
- 5. Listen to Understand
- People Want to Be Heard and Understood
- 6. Reach a Deeper Understanding
- Identify Positive Intent
- Identify Highly Valued Criteria
- 7. Speak to Be Understood
- Monitor Your Tone of Voice
- State Your Positive Intent
- Tactfully Interrupt Interruptions
- Tell Your Truth
- Stay Flexible
- 8. Get What You Project and Expect
- Pygmalion Power
- Assume the Best, Give the Benefit of the Doubt
- Appreciate Criticism
-
Part 3. Bringing Out the Best in People at Their Worst
- 9. The Tank
- You Better Adjust Your Attitude
- Your Goal: Command Respect
- Action Plan
- What If the Tank’s Accusations Are True, and You Are in the Wrong?
- Great Moments in Difficult People History
- 10. The Sniper
- This covert operator identifies your weaknesses and uses
- Friendly Fire
- You Better Adjust Your Attitude
- Your Goal: Bring the Sniper Out of Hiding
- Action Plan
- Special Situation: Friendly Fire
- Special Situation: Third Party Sniping
- Great Moments in Difficult People History
- 11. The Know-It-All
- You Better Adjust Your Attitude
- Your Goal: Open Their Minds to New Ideas
- Action Plan Great Moments in Difficult People History
- 12. The Think-They-Know-It-All
- You Better Adjust Your Attitude
- Your Goal: Give Their Bad Ideas the Hook
- Action Plan
- Great Moments in Difficult People History
- 13. The Grenade
- You Better Adjust Your Attitude
- Your Goal: Take Control of the Situation
- Action Plan
- Great Moments in Difficult People History
- 14. The Yes Person
- You Better Adjust Your Attitude
- Your Goal: Get Commitments You Can Count On
- Action Plan
- Great Moments in Difficult People History
- 15. The Maybe Person
- You Better Adjust Your Attitude
- Your Goal: Help Them Learn to Think Decisively
- Action Plan
- Great Moments in Difficult People History
- 16. The Nothing Person
- You Better Adjust Your Attitude
- Your Goal: Persuade the Nothing Person to Talk
- Action Plan
- Great Moments in Difficult People History
- 17. The No Person
- You Better Adjust Your Attitude
- Your Goal: Transition to Problem Solving
- Action Plan
- Great Moments in Difficult People History
- 18. The Whiner
- You Better Adjust Your Attitude
- Your Goal: Form a Problem-Solving Alliance
- Action Plan
- Great Moments in Difficult People History
- 19. What If People Can’t Stand You?
- Find the answer in this exchange of letters.
- 1. What If You Are the Tank?
- 2. What If You Are the Sniper?
- 3. What If You Are the Know-It-All?
- 4. What If You Are the Think-They-Know-It-All?
- 5. What If You Are the Grenade?
- 6. What If You Are the Yes Person?
- 7. What If You Are the Maybe Person?
- 8. What If You Are the Nothing Person?
- 9. What If You Are the No Person?
- 10. What If You Are the Whiner?
-
Part 4. Communication in a Digital Age
- 20. Communication and the Challenge of Technology
- The “Numbers of Meaning”
- Something Lost, Something Gained
- 21. The Eight Ounces of Prevention in Phone Communication
- 1. Shape Perceptions
- 2. Use Your Body for Tone Control
- 3. Breathe for Your Life
- 4. Chart a Course
- 5. Know When to Hold ’Em, and When to Fold ’Em
- 6. Send Listening Signals!
- 7. Sound Prepared, Even When You’re Not
- 8. You Can Close Your Eyes
- 22. The Eight Ounces of Prevention in E-Mail Communication
- Use the Advantage of Time
- 1. Vent It but Don’t Send It 2. Read It One More Time
- 3. Read It at Another Time
- 4. Get a Second Opinion
- 5. Begin with Intention, End with Direction
- 6. Quote Early, Quote Often
- 7. Make Better Sense with Emoticons
- 8. Use Jokes Carefully—Jokester Beware
- Take the Time, Save Your Time
- Afterword
- Appendix: How to Change Your Attitude
- Footnotes
Product information
- Title: Dealing with People You Can't Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst, 2nd Edition
- Author(s):
- Release date: March 2002
- Publisher(s): McGraw-Hill
- ISBN: 9780071504393
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