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Effective Apology

Book Description

Politicians apologizing, celebrities needing to apologize, and business leaders failing at the attempt fill today's headlines. In fact, we all have occasion to apologize. But we don't need more apologies, says John Kador. We need more effective ones that restore strained relationships, create possibilities for growth, and generate better outcomes for all.
Effective Apology challenges you to think about the fundamental value of an apology, to you and the receiver, as it explores in detail the key dimensions—what Kador calls the Five Rs—of a wholehearted apology, one that heals and renews. Kador also offers advice on how to accept or reject an apology, ten apology dos and don'ts, and a quiz to test your Apology Quotient.

The willingness to apologize signals strength, character, and integrity—real leadership is impossible without it. With over 70 examples of the good, the bad, and the ineffective apology in action, no other book combines such a practical, how-to approach with a rich analysis of what it takes to make apology work in the real world.

Table of Contents

  1. Cover Page
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright Page
  4. introduction: apology is the first resort
    1. Perfect Response to Imperfection
    2. Who Should Read This Book?
    3. Three Questions for the Reader
    4. How This Book Is Organized
    5. Effective Apology
  5. PART I: PRACTICING APOLOGY
    1. CHAPTER 1: the age of apology
      1. What Is Apology?
      2. Apology on the Rise
      3. Test Your Apology Quotient
      4. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    2. CHAPTER 2: why we apologize and what it accomplishes
      1. The Essential Role of Apology
      2. Benefits to the Offended Party
      3. Benefits to the Apologizer
      4. Want Better Performance? Say You’re Sorry
      5. The Economics of Apology
      6. Apology Is Difficult
      7. Stepping Out of Resentment
      8. KEY TAKEAWAYS
  6. PART II: THE FIVE DIMENSIONS OF EFFECTIVE APOLOGY
    1. CHAPTER 3: recognition
      1. Recognition Requirements
      2. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    2. CHAPTER 4: responsibility
      1. KEY TAKEWAYS
    3. CHAPTER 5: remorse
      1. Regretting an Action You Would Nevertheless Repeat
      2. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    4. CHAPTER 6: restitution
      1. The Three Requirements of Restitution
      2. Restitution Without Dollars
      3. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    5. CHAPTER 7: repetition
      1. Repetition in Action
      2. KEY TAKEAWAYS
      3. A Quick Review of the Five Rs
  7. PART III: APOLOGIZE FOR RESULTS
    1. CHAPTER 8: when, where, and how to apologize
      1. When to Apologize
      2. Where to Apologize
      3. How to Apologize
      4. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    2. CHAPTER 9: how to accept (and reject) an apology
      1. Lowering the Stakes
      2. Accepting an Apology
      3. Reciprocate If You Have Something to Apologize For
      4. Accept the Apology and Terminate the Relationship
      5. What If I Wasn’t Offended?
      6. I’m Not Over It Yet
      7. Alternatives to Rejecting an Apology
      8. How to Reject an Apology
      9. A Moral Act
      10. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    3. CHAPTER 10: apology and forgiveness
      1. How Do I Ask for Forgiveness?
      2. Forgiveness Without Apology
      3. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    4. CHAPTER 11: obstacles to wholehearted apology
      1. Wholehearted Apology
      2. Halfhearted Apology
      3. Non-Apology
      4. The Limits of “I’m Sorry”
      5. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    5. CHAPTER 12: the best apology possible: ten apology do’s and don’ts
      1. 1. Don’t Include Ifs or Buts
      2. 2. Don’t Be Passive, Be Active
      3. 3. Don’t Joke
      4. 4. Don’t Assume
      5. 5. Don’t Ask, “What Can I Do to
      6. 6. Take Turns
      7. 7. Begin the Apology with “I”
      8. 8. Use the Recipient’s Name
      9. 9. Don’t Ramble
      10. 10. Don’t Argue
      11. KEY TAKEAWAYS
    6. CHAPTER 13: talking about apology: frequently asked questions
      1. The Author’s Answer to the Poetry Festival Question
    7. CHAPTER 14: what can I do now? five apology practices
      1. Five Apology Tools and Techniques
      2. Concluding Story
      3. Final Thoughts on Apology
      4. KEY TAKEAWAYS
  8. notes
  9. acknowledgments
  10. apology examples by category
    1. Business
    2. Personal
    3. Political
    4. Popular Culture
    5. Sports
  11. index
  12. about the author
  13. About Berrett-Koehler Publishers
  14. Be Connected