CHAPTER 11obstacles to wholehearted apology

Ego is usually the main obstacle to getting apology right. The ego is the organized part of our personality structure that provides, among other things, the defensive function. To the extent that apology makes us vulnerable, apology threatens the ego. Though we may want to offer a wholehearted apology, our egos frequently dial the apology back. In extreme cases, we end up doing the old bait and switch. We advertise a genuine apology but deliver something less authentic. The problem is not in the dispatch, it’s in the delivery. This chapter is about recognizing how the defenses mounted by our personalities can get in the way of our efforts to apologize.

Wholehearted apology doesn’t make us as vulnerable ...

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