Emotional Intelligence

Chapter 5Own it: Becoming self‐aware and owning who we are

‘Owning it’ is an easy way to summarise emotional intelligence in one short statement. It relates to owning our mindset, owning our situation, owning the impact we have on those around us, owning our communication ability, and owning our performance and motivation. It's about owning our life knowing that no‐one else is responsible, or to blame, for what we have or haven't done.

It's where we start, yet it flows through every part of EI. Let's begin by understanding how the mind works.

The emotional mind

Sigmund Freud's model of the awareness of the human mind details three levels:

1. the unconscious mind
2. the conscious mind
3. the subconscious mind.

Let's break down what each of the levels means in simple terms.

The unconscious mind is basically what keeps us alive, with its usage estimated at 30 to 40 per cent of our mind's capacity. It ensures our organs are all functioning and our body is doing what it needs to do to survive. Nice and simple.

The conscious mind is the front end of our mind, and its usage is estimated at 10 per cent. It's responsible for quick responses. You know those moments when we say something and then think, ‘Why did I say that?’ or ‘I probably shouldn't have said that!’ We can thank our conscious mind for that quick, sometimes inappropriate, response. It also analyses all incoming data, so, for example, everything we read in a book will enter through our conscious mind before either going into ...