Fixing Feedback

Chapter 7 Own your stuff

It's challenging for most of us to see who we really are and how we come across to others. Taking responsibility for the emotional wake that we leave behind when we treat people the way we do can be a daunting task.

I've heard people say, ‘I don't care what people think of me’. That's rubbish. That's good old denial sitting in a protection mechanism. The thing is, they don't even know. It's not called denial for no reason.

The thing with self-awareness is that it is a very hard thing to define, and it is equally hard to achieve. Blind spots were appropriately named indeed.

We don't know what we can't see. When you choose to become more self-aware and to ‘own your stuff’, in and out of conversations, then you can watch your relationships grow, respect from others increase and productivity (yours and others') improve.

I have been told that I intimidate people. When I was first told this I was surprised. Were people intimidated because I appear confident and enjoy being in all types of situations? Was it because I give them feedback in the moment? Why should I be in the wrong for this? I was not up for hearing it at first, but when I thought about it I saw that it was a possibility. Even though I didn't want to admit it, it had become my blind spot. I had assumed that it was okay because my intent was usually good. But after some thoughtful reflection I chose to apologise to the two colleagues who felt I was intimidating. Then I refocused my style. I owned ...